When widowed older parents start dating
I thought the commenter asked some good questions and raised some interesting points.So I’m going to post her comment below with my thoughts in italics.“Daughter of a Widower” writes: I stumbled across this website trying to find information to help me understand my recently widowed dad's new relationship. Why does it seem like men in particular feel comfortable starting new relations so quickly (I know that's relative) after their wives have died?I guess that encapsulates why it is so difficult to date a widow, especially a young one like me whose loss is so new. Though I see his continuing presence in my life as a beautiful morning mist that surrounds me with love, I worry that my potential dates will see it as a murky haze that makes real communication impossible.Maybe the real problem is that any affection I might feel for another man would always be shared, at least in some way. But most of the men in my potential dating pool are not widowed, and thus, it can feel impossible to explain how I might be able to move forward with someone new while also keeping a piece of my heart with my late husband.“That will scare you into never dating again,” she told me.Of course, plenty of widows meet a great “chapter two” (widow parlance for a love after loss) and are able to move on to a new relationship.
Yet another went on several dates with a “nice” guy who she later found out was arrested and incarcerated for a decade for possessing child pornography.
Where were all the other young widows and widowers? Those men usually posed as “widowed military men” and sent me message after message until I blocked them.
How could I be honest about who I was and what I wanted but also attract the kind of guy I’d actually want to know? Recently, I met a handsome stranger and we got to talking about religion and spirituality.
My friends laughed along with me when the first photo we pulled up on one widow dating website was of a man who was clearly older than my father.
I didn’t want to date a 70-year-old man, but apparently if I was looking to date other people who suffered a similar loss to mine, my options were limited. Yes, I could list that I was a widow on my profile. Worse, might it draw creepy men, like the ones who pretended to be widowers and stalked my Facebook page?