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For some people, breakups are just a fact of life that we all have to get through from time-to-time — like vaccines or trips to the dentist.For others [raises hand], breakups feel so awful that they put them off dating completely.People understand that you need time to process your emotions — and you need to understand that, too.According to Victoria Tarbell, a licensed mental health counselor, if we try to pretend like breakups don’t hurt by ignoring our heartache, all we’re doing is creating bigger challenges for ourselves down the road.It means something different to everyone, but chances are, you didn’t get it immediately after your breakup.But instead of waiting around for your ex to apologize, or for the two of you to sit down for a relationship post-mortem, try and move on without them.“Closure requires getting truthful answers to your questions about what happened — to understand why [things ended],” Tessina says.After you deal with the initial upset, review the dynamics of the relationship and analyze what went wrong, what you could have done differently and what you learned, Tessina advises.
“Your brain has to figure out how you’re going to get to where you’re going and where you will eat and sleep once you get there.
In the meantime, take care of yourself, give yourself room to grieve and process your emotions and take this as an opportunity for a fresh start.
I recently went on a couple of dates with this guy, Gavin*.
And consider it an opportunity, Tessnia suggests — think about all the things you now have time to do, and do some of them.
Try things you would never have done before, or things you’ve always wanted to do.