Early stages of dating relationships
The specific critical inner voices we have about ourselves, our partner and relationships are formed out of early attitudes we were exposed to in our family or in society at large.Sexual stereotypes as well as attitudes that our influential caretakers had toward themselves and others can infiltrate our point of view and shade our current perceptions.When it comes to all of the things we worry ourselves about in relationships, we are much more resilient than we think.In truth, we can handle the hurts and rejections that we so fear. However, our critical inner voice tends to terrorize and catastrophize reality.It will completely distort reality and undermine our own strength and resilience.It’s that cynical roommate that always gives bad advice. Just put your guard up and never be vulnerable to anyone else.”The defenses we form and critical voices we hear are based on our own unique experiences and adaptations.When we get in our heads, focusing on these worried thoughts, we become incredibly distracted from real relating with our partner.We may start to act out in destructive ways, making nasty comments or becoming childish or parental toward our significant other. She doesn’t even love you anymore.” These thoughts can snowball in your mind until, by the time your partner gets home, you’re feeling insecure, furious or paranoid.
Even when there are real things going on, someone breaks up with us or feels an interest in someone else, our critical inner voice will tear us apart in ways we don’t deserve.The more we value someone else, the more we stand to lose.On many levels, both conscious and unconscious, we become scared of being hurt.To a certain degree, we all possess a fear of intimacy.Ironically, this fear often arises when we are getting exactly what we want, when we’re experiencing love as we never have or being treated in ways that are unfamiliar.